Jan. 26 cont.

I feel so much shame for not planning this out carefully, for not being as careful as I could have been. And I feel some resentment toward this baby who's taking over my body and my mind and my schedule. I want my space back. And yet I'm excited--or at least I want to make my body a beautiful home for this baby and I want to make its entrance into the world one full of love and joy and hope. And just as I feel I'm made to be a pastor, I also feel that I'm made to mother. Oh, I so need to feel God's mothering love for me and my baby.